A Little Bit of This, a Little Bit of That...

Pictures of Jesus?

2010-11-16T22:39:00.001-08:00

So once again I've decided to maybe try and start writing on this thing again... maybe. Isn't my commitment level awesome?

For those of you who don't know, I have the privilege of working with Middle School students at my church. They are an incredible bunch of kids and the other leaders as well as the Middle School pastor and his wife are some of my dearest friends. Jr. Highers are, well, Jr. Highers... So we're bound to have some drama and some frustrating moments. However, tonight Erin (the pastor) dealt with the issues in a way that I have never seen before.

Instead of laying on the guilt, which is so common a technique in youth groups, Erin asked them a question. He simply asked, What kind of legacy do you want to leave? When those kids that were in Jr. High with you look back at pictures in twenty years what will they say about you? This question hit me hard. What comes to people's minds when they see a picture of me?

It's something we should all think about. When people see our faces in a picture, what comes to mind? Do they think about how you showed them the love of Jesus, or do they think about how you never even said hi to them? I'm not intending to lay on the guilt here at all. In fact, I'm mostly asking myself this question.

I hope that people see Jesus when they see me, and I sincerely apologize to anyone who I have failed in this way.

I Thought My Blog Was Broken...

2010-04-13T11:07:00.001-07:00

Turns out I was! For some reason I couldn't get my blog to sign in and then I yelled at it and it worked again.

I've been listening to Casey James' version of "Jealous Guy" over and over and over again. Man it's gorgeous. The song that is. Well, ok. So is the guy.

Well now that I can get into my blog I might just start writing again. Maybe.

Guilianna and Bill

2010-02-01T13:43:00.000-08:00

I have a little confession to make. I'm secretly in love with the E! Reality show Guilianna and Bill. It's absolutely horrible and rediculous but I can't stop watching it. It's like a train-wreck. In so many ways.

Guilianna has absolutely no idea that even though they have signed their lives away to E! in order to make even more money than they already do (Guilianna is an E! "news" correspondent and Bill won the Apprentice at some point), she doesn't actually have to tell every gritty detail of their life and their marriage. This results in lots of eye rolling and uncomfortable squirming from the either incredibly weak or incredibly patient Bill. It is so awkward I just can't help but watch. One of my favorite moments was when the doctor told her she had to gain 5 pounds or she wouldn't be able to have a baby (because you know, baby's need nutrients and all. Also, her body would probably just eat the baby thinking she had finally fed it something). She freaked out and starting whining about how she can't gain weight because of her job and how her clothes won't fit and blah blah blah... Newsflash Guilianna darling: 5 pounds will still make you about 25 pounds underweight. I don't think they'll fire you, but it might make you look like a normal person instead of someone who needs about 15 sandwiches shoved down their throat stat. And if they do fire you, sue their pants off and go buy yourself a cheeseburger.

Now. On to Bill. I don't get him. He seems like a perfectly nice person and yet he married Ms. Anorexic big-head who publically declares that it's his fault they can't have children, drags him to "doctors" in order to figure out why their "energy" is all off, and who seriously considered not having children so that she wouldn't have to gain 5 pounds. Does she not know that pregnancy generally makes you rotund and volumptuous and that it's a wonderful excuse to not do crunches for 9 months? Seriously Bill. What's the deal here? Oh that's right... she bought you a harley.

Now I will go hang my head in shame for writing an entire post about something so wonderfully horrible.

A Beautiful Mark

2010-01-17T14:58:00.000-08:00

People fascinate me. I love sitting in a crowded place and watching people walk by. Is that creepy? Sometimes I sit and make up stories in my head about the people walking by. I make up stories about couples as they walk by, and what caused that person to put on that particular outfit that morning and what they were thinking. I love hearing people's stories and learning what makes them who they are, and I love watching people's stories develop.

I think that might be one of the reasons I love Jr. High ministry so much. I get to be part of their story for a brief time, but I also get to watch them grow up, move onto high school, and hopefully college and beyond. I know I won't stay in touch with all of them, but I love the relationships that I have kept with some of my former Jr. Highers. It's so much fun to see them become the people that God wants them to be and to begin to see the purpose for which God created them. I get to see their unique strengths develop and see how they choose to serve God within those strengths. Their stories are relatively short at this point but they're beautiful.

Everybody's story is important. Our story is part of who we are now even if it wasn't quite a fairytale. Each one of them is different but each one has one particular thing in common- it began with the Creator of the universe putting it into motion. God has a unique purpose and reason for your story, it may not be what you think it should be or what you wish it was, but it's purposeful. Each of our stories bears the mark of it's author and what a beautiful mark that is.

I Am Solar Powered

2010-01-13T12:27:00.000-08:00

Last week I had the wonderful opportunity to spend about a week in Washington to visit some friends. This was my first trip to the Pacific Northwest and it was wonderful. The scenery is absolutely gorgeous and it only rained 3 times throughout the whole week! However, despite the surprisingly nice weather (my friend's dad referred to it as "balmy" although I would hesitate to call 50 degrees "balmy"), it was still pretty gray most of the week. This is how I discovered that I am solar powered. I need the sun. I thrive with the sun. As soon as the weather turns gray all I want to do is curl up on the couch near a fire and watch movies or read all day. Needless to say I was sleepy the whole time. However, despite my extremely strong urges to hybernate I had a wonderful time with very dear friends. I'm glad to be back where the sun shines though. Flying into San Diego was marvelous. It was 75 degrees with perfectly clear blue skies and I couldn't help but smile.

Oh Traditions...

2009-12-28T12:47:00.000-08:00

My whole family is very content with spending the day hanging around the house doing things like watching movies, knitting, surfing the internet, and reading. I, however, go crazy after a few hours of this. Every Christmas we spend the day in our pajamas watching movies that we got for Christmas and playing around with the things we got that day. I respect the tradition and try my best to be happy about it but usually by about 2pm I start getting a little jittery and bored and eventually lose my mind. The rest of my family however is still happily enjoying their hermit ways. This year was worse. I love and adore chocolate covered coffee beans. So, my mom decided to be wonderful and put a whole bag of them in my stocking. How do you think that turned out? Take a girl who is already almost incapable of sitting still for longer than 25 minutes, throw in some chocolate covered coffee beans and other various sugary treats, and force her to stay home all day. Thankfully I had a little project I had to finish which kept me busy for a bit, and then we went for a 3 or 4 mile walk which helped a lot. Let's just say that the day after Christmas they can no longer force me to stay home, and I no longer have to wander aimlessly around the house hoping i'll find something to do.

Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas, and a time to reflect on who Christ is.

I Heart the Old Testament

2009-12-16T10:43:00.000-08:00

I'm done. Well, atleast until February. That feels good to say. No more homework, no more deadlines, no more giant projects and papers, and no more sitting in class for six weeks.

*insert happy dance*

Last night my sister Afton and I helped our sister Cate study for her Old Testament final which she was convinced she was going to fail. It was hilarious. Turns out Afton is really good at studying for tests, and I remember random things from my Old Testament survey class freshman year. Like the year that King Josiah died, and the three deportations of the Jews out of Jerusalem into exile. Useful information right? I also know both names for King Xerxes, the capital city of Persia during the time of Esther, and why Purim was started.

I think I remember all of these random facts because I loved my Old Testament class. Yes, it helps that I've also had other more specialized Old Testament classes and the Old Testament comes into play in pretty much all of my New Testament classes at some point as well, but I think it's mainly because of the love. The Old Testament is fascinating! Yes, some books are not so fascinating, but if you can get past Leviticus and Numbers you will get to the good stuff. The Old Testament is full of epic battle scenes, sojourners, love stories, good kings, bad kings, strong men and women who stand up for what Yahweh has told them is right, weak men and women, and women who use their tent pegs as weapons. It's also the story of redemption broken up into mini-redemptions. It is the story of the People of God, His gracious interaction with them, and His unrelenting desire for relationship with them. It is also the foundation of God's ultimate plan to reconcile all to Him. How could we not love it?

A Christmas Miracle

2009-12-10T09:38:00.000-08:00

Hi Friends, would you like to know what stands in between me and Christmasy freedom?

1 exam and 1 paper. That's it! yay!!! Just thought I would share that with you.

And now time for a story about a Christmas miracle.

Once upon a time, my friend Heidi and I loaded up her violin and my guitar and drove with my dad up to Forest Home Christian Camp. Awaiting us there was a recording studio and a wonderful guy named Ian who had offered to record my CD for free. We recorded six tracks in 8 hours and had a great time doing it. When we left Ian said, "i'll work on these rough tracks and send them to you in about 4 weeks!" I thought, "This is amazing! I've been working on this for so long and it will finally be done!" That was April.

Fast forward 8 weeks. It's been four weeks longer than Ian had promised and I have not heard a word from him. Even though I probably called him 20 times. About 6 weeks after that I find out that Ian no longer works at Forest Home and I am transferred to the new AV guy. New AV guy tells me, "Sure! I'll go look for your tracks and call you back." About another 4 or so weeks later I have heard nothing, and i've called him about 300 times.

Fast forward to last week. I call Forest Home again and get Jarell. He apologizes for everyone elses incompetence and says he will look for my tracks and call me back by early next week (i.e. this week). I thank him over and over, hang up the phone and think "Yeah. Sure. He'll call."

Tuesday evening at about 4:30pm I receive a call from Forest Home and it's Jarell!! He informs me that he has found my tracks and he is mailing the CD to me. I squeel with glee, tell him he's my new best friend, and hang up.

So. All this to say that a Christmas Miracle has happened and my CD is FINALLY going to be back in my hands. The odds are that it hasn't been touched since we recorded, but that's ok since I have friends who can make it sound wonderful.

Oh, and Forest Home is no longer dead to me.

A Strange Sacrifice

2009-12-03T09:45:00.000-08:00

My project on forgiveness is finally finished. As much of a relief as that is, I still find myself thinking about what i've learned and what exactly it means to truly forgive from your heart. I am grateful for the Holy Spirit's help cause it is also even more clear to me that without it forgiveness would be impossible. Last night as I wrote my final reflection paper for the project I began to think about God's gracious act of forgiveness and I was struck by the beauty of it. In the ancient world forgiveness was attained through a sacrifice. The person offering the sacrifice was never the person who also offered the forgiveness. However, this is not the case with God. God Himself offered the sacrifice and the forgiveness on our behalf. For some reason I never fully connected just how strange this act would have been to the Jewish and Pagan world into which Christ came. They knew how the sacrificial system worked. This was weird.

Maybe this hits me harder now than ever before because of the time of year. It is the time of year that we as christians celebrate the first coming of Christ and we remember what that coming initiated. God sent His one and only son into this world as not only a little baby, but a poor one at that. He sent His son to atone for the sins that we committed. The Creator of the universe sacrificed to reestablish the relationship with His creatures that was broken in the garden. He was and is still justified in simply letting us go the way we chose, but in His grace and mercy He refuses to let us continue on in our ignorance and disobedience. In Christ we have the sacrifice for our sins and our only hope of forgiveness. It is a beautiful gift that we must not only receive but also continually remember and be thankful for. It is the gift of abundant and eternal life. It is the gift of forgiveness, the complete wiping away of all our transgressions. It is a sacrificial gift, and it is a gift that we cannot just receive and not give away again. Although we cannot completely wipe away another's sin, we can and must forgive them for any of their trespasses against us. This is one way in which we can reflect the image of the Almighty God during this Christmas season and through out the rest of our lives.

Merry Christmas to you all, I pray that this season is a source of joy and peace for you all as you rest in the knowledge that you are loved, forgiven, and that God Himself came to earth as a sacrifice for you.

Change is Good... I guess.

2009-11-23T19:49:00.000-08:00

People say change is a good thing and I guess they are right some of the time. Some of the time change is good and yet it makes you cry. This weekend some very difficult change happened in my life. My pastor and his family have decided that it is time for them to move on and for that reason I am very sad. Last night we said goodbye to them as a church and it was a really sweet time of sharing memories, stories, and best wishes. Oh yeah, and a lot of people cried. A lot.

When I think about the kind of woman I want to be several women come to mind. One of them is Robin Sidders. She has handled more difficulty in the past 5 or 6 years than most people I know, with incredible grace, compassion, and love. She battled cancer and several surgeries and I don't think she ever said a negative word about her situation. She always had a kind word for whoever she spoke to and she has faithfully and graciously stood by her husband through the difficulties that come with being a pastor. I pray that some day I can be the kind of wife she is. No matter what was thrown at her Robin never wavered in her faith and she always managed to find something to laugh about and be grateful for. Robin, I don't think you read this, but I want you to know how much you mean to me. You have influenced me more than you could ever know and I love you very much. I hope that I can handle my life the way that you have handled yours to this point.

Thank you Robin and Greg, thank you thank you thank you.

Some People Wear Really Ugly Pants.

2009-11-19T13:27:00.001-08:00

It's true. I've witnessed it first hand. Ugly pants are rearing their ugly heads all over, disguising themselves as fashion, and doing horrible things to people's thighs. Yesterday I saw someone wearing pants reminiscent of 19th Century riding attire.

Like this man's pants. Minus the red coat and the boots. And I'm really not sure why it says "prepared to kill" in the picture, but you get the idea. Ugly ugly pants. Why would someone do this to themselves? Pants are meant to cover up things that you don't want seen and hopefully they also make you look better. They are not supposed to add volume to your hips and thighs and make you look like you lost your horse a little over a hundred years ago and are still hoping you will find him. P.S. Pants like this do mean things to your calves as well. Just so you know.

I also saw someone wearing faux-leather leggings yesterday too. WHY!?

Now, onto the guys. WHY ARE YOU WEARING YOUR SISTER'S PANTS?! It was bad enough when they were super tight and skinny and normal jean colors, but purple?! Really?! Seriously? Are you trying to look like Howard Wallowitz?

What's so wrong with normal guy jeans? They look good! Maybe guys don't care, but tapered skin tight jeans are not a good look. They also do cruel and unusual things to your butt and thighs. Why must you do such mean things to them? What did they ever do to you?

So, to sum up. Some people wear really ugly pants and I wish they would stop.

The End.

Because He Lives

2009-11-12T12:15:00.001-08:00

The fear of what the future holds seems to be a common theme in my life and the lives of my friends (hmm.. could have something to do with the fact that most of us are graduating college in May...). I've written about my own fear of the unknown before, so I won't do it again, all I want to do is give you the words that I often sing to myself when I feel fearful. I hope it's an encouragement to you. We trust in the God who created the world by His word, He is more than able to accomplish what concerns you today and everyday. He just might not do it the way you want him to.

"Because He lives, I can face tomorrow
because He lives, all fear is gone.
Because I know, He holds the future
and life is worth the living just because He lives." -Bill Gaither

Never More Connected, Never More Lonely

2009-11-10T13:44:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking a lot about loneliness lately. Not necessarily because I am lonely (at the moment), but because I know so many people who are. I started looking back over the conversations I've had this past week and figuring out how many of them were over some sort of technology. Facebook, cell phones, e-mail... the list goes on. As a culture we are more connected than ever, and yet we've never been so lonely. The more I study how God made us the more I am convinced that our substitutions for face to face contact are entirely inadequate. Don't get me wrong, I think that being able to connect with friends and family who you cannot see in person on a regular basis through technology is a fantastic thing. I love being able to keep in touch with my cousins and friends who have scattered all over the place. However, it is not enough. Whether you are an introvert or an extrovert you were made for human relationship and touch. We need to look at the person's face we are talking to, we need to be able to hug and be hugged, we need to hear voices and see facial expressions.

Technology has given us so much but sometimes I wonder if it's worth what it has taken away. It seems that with each new invention the human race retreats further and further into their own living rooms. The invention of the washing machine meant no more chatting with neighbors while hanging out the laundry, the invention of the dishwasher eliminated time spent washing dishes together after meals (I'll be honest, this one I think might be worth it... man I hate washing dishes). The invention of the air conditioner meant people no longer had to sit on their front porches to cool off in the evening. The invention of the computer and the TV cut into family discussions and time spent actually interacting with one another. While all of these inventions are in and of themselves good things, because of our dependence on them we have lost the much better thing of human interaction and relationship.

The sheer volume of social networking sites on the internet should be screaming to us about our need for real relationships. No number of friends on facebook can replace one close friend that actually goes through life with you. The physical presence of people who love you is one of the greatest gifts in this world. This became very clear to me when my bestfriend lost her beloved father a few months ago. When words cannot express the compassion and sympathy you feel, sitting with them can.

I don't know if this resonates with anyone, but I suspect it does. We are constantly connected, yet feel completely alone. We are rarely ever more than a click of a button away from contacting a friend, yet it often takes too much effort to just go see them. I am so grateful for the friendships and family that God has blessed me with, and I am more and more grateful the more I realize the deep loneliness in this world. So, shut off the computer and go be with real people if you can. I'm going to :-)

Weather Is Mean.

2009-10-29T12:24:00.000-07:00

Why is the weather toying with our hearts and our closets?! It gives us one or two days of cold awesome weather, so you're all excited and pulling out the scarves and then it goes back to summer weather! kdiwefljfdjkeiew.... sorry, my anger got the better of my english.

Dear God,
Please make it cold for a little while. I really really need it. Thanks!
Love, Me.

Seriously. It's making me crazy!

How Some Companies Stay in Business is Beyond me.

2009-10-27T09:54:00.000-07:00

There was a company next door to where I work that moved several months ago (actually, probably atleast a year ago). This company appears to make and repair wheelchairs. So... since they are working with physically disabled people, you'd think they would be motivated to do a good job, and you know, possibly try and make their lives a little easier. nope! not these people! Originally we thought they were horrible because their parking spots were on a slight incline which meant that none of the wheelchair vans could park there. But, it gets worse. Like I said earlier they moved atleast a year ago- they have yet to tell several of their clients!

On a regular basis you can see people out there wandering around trying to find any information as to where this company went. We made a sign with their new address and phone number on it but the landlord keeps taking it down. Apparently nobody wants the people to get new or working wheelchairs.

Yet, even with all of this company's horrible behavior the drivers are the worst. The people that are hired to transport the people who need a new wheelchair or need some repairs done often just drop them off and leave without checking to see if they even got in! Then the people in the wheelchairs are left with no information as to where the company really is, and no way to get there. It's truly awful. Seriously. How in the world are they still in business?!

Forgiving Makes Us Happy

2009-10-26T11:55:00.001-07:00

Thanks to my cousin Adria I have to decided to start blogging again. I've decided to get over my debilitating feelings that I have nothing interesting to say and that no one would want to read it anyway... although i'm still not convinced anyone will actually read this.

I've been working on a huge project for school on forgiveness. This has been a very interesting project for me since I struggle with forgiving people because I want them to know what they did and be punished or apologize (or both... I know. I know. It's vindictive. I'm working on it!). The first section of the project was a biblical survey of forgiveness (i.e. what the bible says about forgiveness). I was not surprised about the findings here. We are commanded by God to forgive others, and if we don't we are being ungrateful for God's forgiveness of us (Parable of the ungrateful servant in Matthew 18). Once again. Not surprised by this. Convicted? yes. Surprised? no.

What I was surprised by was the Psychological aspect of this topic. The second aspect of this paper was to look at the academic literature concerning the psychology of forgiveness. Secular psychologists as well as Christians agree that forgiving people who hurt you frees you to live a happy and healthy life. Phsyical, emotional, and mental health studies show that when you are more willing to forgive you are healthier in each of these three areas. People who forgive have lower stress levels, and lower levels of depression. I was very intrigued by these studies. Forgiving others allows us to have healthy relationships, lives, and minds. It is amazing how holding a grudge really only hurts us, not that person. Holding a grudge interferes with ALL of our relationships and our relationship with God. I know that this doesn't necessarily make forgiving any easier, but that is where God's grace comes into play. No matter how hard it is, it is obviously the best choice.

So, that's what i'm thinking about right now. What do you think? Do you think forgiveness is mandatory in all situations? Is there a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation? Should forgiveness and reconciliation always go hand in hand?

Seriously?

2009-06-09T13:34:00.000-07:00

Hello! I'm back! However, i'm pretty sure my two readers have abandoned me since I haven't written since February... Well, anywho!

My family has never ever had cable or anything more than 5 fuzzy channels. Ever. Now we do. In the past three days I have seen TV Shows that I cannot figure out how they ever got on TV in the first place. Case in point: Nudist weddings? Seriously people? I have three words for you all.... People are crazy.

It's Finally Here!!!

2009-02-01T14:11:00.001-08:00

Have I ever told you how much I love February? No? Well, I do! Besides the fact that it's the "month of love" (which, right now puts it on my list of reasons to die), it is also the month of my birth, and it is short. These reasons may not seem very significant, but I'll tell you why they are.

1). Love is good.
2). I was born. :-) Really, I love love love love birthdays. Not just my own, but everyone's. I think birthdays that go uncelebrated are tragic and something should be done about it. Right away.
3). Less days in a month makes it feel like the semester is going faster. It's amazing how much those two or three days can affect your outlook on life. You reach the end of the month and you think, "It's already March? I CAN go on!" It's really a beautiful thing.

So, enjoy February! It's really a wonderful month. Next month I'll write on the wonders of March. This might become the only thing I post about from now on, so prepare yourself for monthly updates on why each month is wonderful. ;-)

Token Post

2009-01-14T15:31:00.001-08:00

I feel like I should write something since it's been a couple weeks. However, i'm bored with myself so until said boredom goes away and I have something remotely interesting to write about i'll just keep my random thoughts to myself.

2009... Wha?!

2009-01-01T09:00:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year everyone!!

Normally new years is one of those holidays that comes around and I say, "eh." But not this year thanks to Heidi and Zachary. We went to Zachary's church where I was dragged up on stage to sing with the worship team, which was refreshing and a little bit strange to me. Next, we were off to a party full of people i'd never met before and once again the feeling was refreshing and strange. New people mean there is no old issues. I like new people.

There is always the token drunk girl at these parties. You know, the one who's not wearing pants. This girl, however, knew she wasn't wearing pants and had made this decision long before she was drunk. She kept saying how cold she was and when her friends told her to put pants on and stop complaining she very matter-of-factly said, "But I don't want to wear pants." As a person who would love to not wear pants I understand this sentiment. However! When one is in public pants are required, no matter how depressing that thought is. So people.... wear pants! They are important to other peoples eyes. That way, no one has to run around screaming, "my eyes!!! my eyes!!!!!!" and then run into the wall because they were hiding their eyes and die. So when the urge to walk out of your room on any given day and out into the world without those all important pants hits you, think again. You could save someone's life.

I hope 2009 is splendid for you all! Remember. Only you can prevent pant-related deaths.

P.S. Congratulations Heidi and Zachary!! You are both splendid and I'm so excited to see how your life together continues to grow! Yay for marriage!

This Is What Freedom Looks Like

2008-12-18T11:56:00.000-08:00

5:15pm- Hand Greek final over to professor, walk out of classroom and do a little happy dance.

5:17pm - Dance in the rain

5:20pm - Drive to Cate's house to watch "Friends" giggling the entire time.

6pm - Dinner with Heidi

6:35pm - Attempted to use Heidi's cheap-crap umbrella and decided to just embrace the wetness that was yesterday.

8pm - Go see the first movie I've seen in the theater since... I actually have no idea what the last movie I saw in the theater was.... Well now you know just how non-movie seeing life has been for me.

3 hours later Heidi and I dragged ourselves out of the movie theater yawning and wishing we were in bed because it was almost 11pm and that's our bedtime.

I love not having homework to do :-)

Oh Sweet Freedom

2008-12-17T14:17:00.000-08:00

I am one small greek final away from freedom. I can taste it. I could also care less about studying for this last final. It is a major problem when one's brain checks out and moves back home three weeks before finals actually happen. Forcing myself to study and "finish strong" has occupied much of my thoughts these past few weeks since Thanksgiving break.

Finally, the day is here when I can burst through my apartment door and scream "I'M DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" My roommates are really looking forward to it.

T-minus 2 hours and counting until final #4 is over and done with.

Oh yeah, and about not writing for over a month or so... I apologize.

Merry Christmas everyone!!!

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions...

2008-11-20T15:04:00.000-08:00

My sisters and I talked last night about the most difficult part of our lives at this point. Making decisions that will effect the rest of our lives. Grad school, no grad school? Graduate, don't graduate (oh calm down, i'm just joking)? Will the decisions we make now be beneficial or detrimental to where we want to go in our lives? The questioning can drive you batty. All three of us agreed that this big decision making is just part of life, and something that will not go away. Yet, we still wonder how to make the best decisions for our personalities, future goals, desires, and God-given abilities. Thankfully, God pushes us in directions (be it ever so gently sometimes) that ultimately shape our lives. Coming into Biola at 18 I had a certain direction in mind. God has since changed that direction, while not quite giving me the rest of the picture.

I'm starting to realize that just as i'm quite positive i'm not cut out for a 9-5 desk job or the corporate world at all, i'm not sure i'm cut out for full-time vocational ministry either (which is where I thought God was leading me). I might be just a little to confrontational and intense for that life. Somehow I think that telling someone you're counseling that "their life probably would be better if they'd stop wining and make the right choices" wouldn't go over very well. I don't know where God is directing me, but I know that He is and I'll cling to that. I'll keep looking into ideas that pop into my head, and in a year and a half (Graduation day!) hopefully i'll have narrowed down some of my possibilities.

Sometimes I miss when life's decisions consisted of "princess of prairie girl?"

He Leadeth Me

2008-11-13T13:51:00.000-08:00

The hymn "He Leadeth Me" has become the anthem of my life recently. I find myself humming or singing it frequently and it's constantly running through my head. I've found it easier to not only get through the day, but to think about the future in a different light as well. The Almighty Creator of the universe, the One who creates all things, knows all things, and sustains all things, is the one leading and orchestrating my life. He is leading me even when I don't know where He's taking me, and He's leading me when I don't feel like i'm going anywhere.

I googled the hymn today to find out more about it. Joseph Gilmore wrote this hymn in 1862 during one of the darkest times of the Civil War. He was preparing for a sermon on Psalm 23, and the three words "He leadeth me" wouldn't allow him to pass over them. He was gripped by the idea that God Himself leads us. Over a conversation with his wife and family about this idea he penned the words to this hymn. They were (unbeknownst to him) sent to a magazine by his wife, published, and later put to music by William Bradbury in 1864. It wasn't until 1865, when he attended a baptist church and opened the hymnal to the correct page and found his hymn, that he discovered it had been put to music and was being sung in churches.

"He leadeth me, O blessèd thought!
O words with heav’nly comfort fraught!
Whate’er I do, where’er I be
Still ’tis God’s hand that leadeth me.

(refrain)
He leadeth me, He leadeth me,
By His own hand He leadeth me;
His faithful follower I would be,
For by His hand He leadeth me.

Sometimes mid scenes of deepest gloom,
Sometimes where Eden’s bowers bloom,
By waters still, over troubled sea,
Still ’tis His hand that leadeth me.

(refrain)

Lord, I would place my hand in Thine,
Nor ever murmur nor repine;
Content, whatever lot I see,
Since ’tis my God that leadeth me.

(refrain)

And when my task on earth is done,
When by Thy grace the vict’ry’s won,
E’en death’s cold wave I will not flee,
Since God through Jordan leadeth me.

(refrain)

Favorite Things of the Week

2008-11-06T11:23:00.001-08:00

It's a new week (well, the end of a new week) and it's time for new favorite things!

1). My classes
2). Greek Jeopardy
3). Teriyaki chicken
4). Wearing a dress from 1979 (thanks mom!)
5). Fall weather (minus today)

Be blessed!

Headlines

2008-11-04T13:54:00.000-08:00

Headlines are the best. Enjoy:-)

"Angels players help fight disease"

"Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers"

"Milk drinkers are turning to powder"

"Iraqi head seeks arms"

"Death causes loneliness, feelings of isolation"

"Blind woman gets kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years"

"Autos kill 110 per day, let's resolve to do better"

I hope that made your day just a little bit brighter. :-) Enjoy the cold weather while it lasts!!

My Favorite Things of the Week

2008-10-30T15:42:00.000-07:00

Lately, all I've wanted to do in life is browse through Martha Stewart catalogs and do every single craft she's ever made as well as learn to sew my own clothes. So! In light of the fact that crafts are the LAST thing I have time to do until after finals (6 weeks and counting!), i've decided to do a weekly favorite things list (Martha Stewart style!). Here is the first one (don't you feel special that you get to see this!)

1). Music played solely through different sized conch shells.
2). "I'm a fermata... hold me."
3). Heidi Seifert (Thanks for being a great friend, and laughing at my jokes when no one else does!)
4). The fact that Sunday holds the possibility of rain.
5). Diet A&W Cream Soda
6). My green sweater
7). Meeting Heidi's parents and hanging out with them
8). Red Shoes that were never meant for walking in but are oh so cute
9). Laughing a lot because everything is funny when you're this tired.

Have a fantastic weekend friends!

Stories

2008-10-23T13:48:00.000-07:00

I never thought I had a story or a testimony. I was raised in a Christian home with fantastic parents that really showed me what life in community and life as a Christian looked like. I never walked away from the Lord, I've never even had the desire to. Of course my relationship with the Lord has not been perfect, but it has always been there. I don't have a dramatic story of how God saved me from a life of drugs, sex, and alcohol, nor do I have broken relationships with my family.

I thought accepting the Lord at the age of 5, being baptized at 8, being involved in youthgroup from 6-12th grade, and being on worship teams for the last 5 years meant that I didn't have a story. My life was to good. It wasn't until a recent conversation with a fellow classmate that I realized that God did rescue me from a broken life; he just did it before it happened.

From the day I was born I, as a sinful person, was separated from God and needed redemption. By God's grace I was born into a family that loved Him and raised me to love Him, but this did not and does not diminish my need for a savior. My story may be much less broken than many others, but it still has moments of brokenness and the feeling of God being so far away. Once again, by God's grace those moments of feeling like He had given up on me pushed me to search for Him harder, not to throw in the towel and decide that He must not be there if I don't feel Him all the time. My story is a story of God's grace to perpetuate my life in Him, rather than to pull me out of something else and draw me to Him. It is the story of a good Christian girl who has realized lately that her testimony is exactly what she thought was not a testimony at all. I don't have a past without God, but my family before me does. God delivered me from what would've been a very different life with a completely different view of God had He not used some very interesting tactics to eventually bring my parents to Him.

The truth is we have all been delivered from somewhere or something, we all need a savior, we all need His grace in our everyday lives, and we all need His strength to persevere to the end. I am no better because of my life than the Christian with a "past". We are both sinners in need of savior, His grace is still sufficient in both stories, and He is more than able to accomplish whatever He desires.

"I need thee every hour..."

To List or Not to List...

2008-10-09T13:01:00.000-07:00

I have a question for you all.

Should single people make lists about qualities that they would like in a spouse as well as qualities or actions that are absolute deal breakers? Is this actually helpful or does it set people up to constantly fail us? As a natural listmaker I deeply enjoy the ability to cross something off my list, but is that how we should approach relationships? "Good relationship with his mother" -Check!

I am definitely not talking about the lists that consist of:
1). Must have dark hair and blue eyes
2). Must drive a truck
3). Must look like Brad Pitt (except with darker hair).
4). Must make at least 8 Million dollars a year

These are NOT helpful. However, I will admit that I can be kind of a car snob. I do pay attention to the kind of car that a guy drives, but hopefully I would never let it stop me from dating that guy (my father is partially responsible for the car snobbery. He's taken me to way to many car shows over the course of my life and talked about cars a lot as well... Thanks Dad! By the way, we haven't been to a car show in a while.)

I'm talking about character qualities. Should we need to make lists to know what kind of character qualities we should be attracted to or avoid? Shouldn't we be able to tell as thinking people that a guy who disrespects his mother is going to disrespect his girlfriend/wife, and a woman who bats her eyelashes and talks in a baby voice to her dad to get money is going to do the very same thing to her boyfriend/husband, without consulting our previously made list? "Hmm... is being a complete jerk on my list of deal breakers?" It might be a different story if she bats her eyes and talks in a baby voice and her dad simply looks at her and says, "Seriously?"

What do you think? Lists: necessary or unnecessary? Talk to me people! I'm trying to get dialogue going about these kind of things!

Don't Go Breakin' My Heart

2008-10-02T10:49:00.000-07:00

Alright my loves. It's time to get your champion rear-ends in gear. WIN! You are NOT the Padres! You HAVE talent! (Sorry Padre fans, I just couldn't resist).

The play-offs are NOT a completely different ball game. They are the exact same ball game in fact. It's all mental!! You need to stop telling yourselves "holy crap we're playing Boston in the first round of the playoffs...AGAIN" and start telling yourselves "We beat their over payed, injured, hindparts 8 TIMES THIS SEASON!! By george we can do it now!" Than you should all start jumping around, slapping each other, and screaming (in manly voices of course) "THE RED SOX SUCK AND WE ROCK AND WE CAN CRUSH THEM WITH OUR PINKY FINGERS!!!!*insert manly grunts here*"

My heart is full of love for you and faith in you. I know you can beat them and take this series. It's time that you know that.

So, put your game faces on and WIN WIN WIN!!!!!

Oh, and what's with Youkilis' batting stance? Seriously... icky elf!

P.S. I apologize for all of the capitilization. I'm slightly passionate about this.

Take That Non-Winning Curse of Mine!

2008-09-25T15:28:00.000-07:00

I won something for the first time EVER!

I entered a drawing at Chick-fil-a to win two tickets and meet and greet passes for the Third Day, Jars of Clay, and Switchfoot concert in Irvine... and I won!

Now the question is... who do I take with me? :-)

I'll have pictures on facebook by the end of the weekend i'm sure!

What's So Wrong With Dating Anyway?

2008-09-23T12:45:00.000-07:00

Ambiguity drives me batty.

For the past two years i've been watching friends and acquaintances endure these relationships with the opposite sex that are some weird hybrid of friendship and dating. They are to deep to be considered "just friends" but to casual and inconsistent to be considered dating. What's up with this? The guys are so unsure about really wanting to be in a relationship and the girls, while often unsure as well, are just excited to be getting the attention that these relationships go on in a vicious cycle of frustration and hope.

I think one of the main problems might lie in the phrase "It's important for there to be a friendship first". Don't get me wrong, i'm all about friendship. I understand that the motivation for this "pre-dating" dating model is to protect hearts and minimize the need to change your status on facebook. However, to be perfectly honest most of what i've witnessed is frustration, and in the end the very thing we try so hard to avoid... heartache.

Is it so wrong to get to know someone by dating them? Wouldn't that be better than trying to manipulate situations so you get to spend time with some girl or guy you like without them knowing that you like them? Dating seemed to work for our grandparents and most of our parents, why do we think we're any different? I know what you're going to say... "but the times are different now. Dating is different." I'm perfectly aware of that fact. However I still think that maybe, just maybe, evangelicals could redeem dating.

Dating does not need to be a lifetime commitment! Going to dinner does not need to mean that you are commiting to this person for the rest of your life. Heck, you don't even need to be committing to another date with this person! I'm NOT saying that I think we should all just date whoever we feel like, without atleast the intention of a second date because I'm sure that would just leave people broken and bleeding a long the way. I am saying that I think we could all stand to grow up a little when it comes to dating relationships. I'm not promoting being a serial dater (i.e. dating more than one girl/guy in a single weekend... not that anyone has the time or money for that anyway!), I am however promoting the idea of asking that girl out that you've been interested in for 3 years but haven't had the chance to "hang out" with enough so you just keep waiting.

Men. Be brave!!! I understand that rejection sucks and girls are scary. It is true that we might reject you, but we will also respect you for having the courage to ask. Obviously I cannot speak for all women on this, but I can say that the women I have talked to about this would be incredibly impressed with your boldness. We are tired of dropping hints... please don't make us do it anymore! Also, your trash gets taken out more than the women of biola do. Think about it.

One last thing. Men, if you are not ready to begin a relationship... then don't. Not even an ambiguous one. Give the women around you enough respect that you protect them from thinking that they are only good enough to be one of your friends and nothing more, even though you spend more time with them than all of your other friends combined. Do us all a favor and be straightfoward with us.

Women, give the men a chance. Don't force them into anything they're not ready for and than expect them to step up. Understand that asking you out is difficult and give them some grace. Also, stand up for yourself! Don't allow ambiguity. Don't be a crazy person, but be strong enough to know where to draw boundary lines if you see yourself heading for one of those weird hybrid relationships.

No matter what. Be clear! If you want a second date, say so. If you don't, say so! Don't leave the girl/guy wondering about where this might be going. That only leads to stalker situations ;-).

I am by no means the authority on this subject, and I'm sure this is not a perfect solution to the problem. I would love to know what you people out there think about this. Do you think we can redeem dating and lessen the frustration? I do.

P.S. Guys, I know there is a lot of a pressure on you financially and creatively when it comes to dating. However that came about, I'm very sorry for it. The girls you really want to get to know are the type that don't care if your first date is at a fancy restaurant or a park, or if your second date is bigger and better than the first. You can relax. Look for the girls that will just be happy to be hanging out with you!

Sweet Community

2008-09-11T13:51:00.001-07:00

"The solitary traveler may get to the end of the journey faster, and indeed he may gain riches along the way as he leaves the weak and the slow behind him and is not required to share what he finds. However, he will also know pits out which he must dig himself, unrelentingly cold nights, and lonely battles. He will in the end see no profits from it all, for the gain we make from our toil is found in the toil itself, completed in the context of our whole lives lived out before God and in the company of others to whom we are intrinsically and healthily connected as creatures of God. In community our lives are strong and enduring,, like the rope "of three strands." The fool's individualistic life is, by contrast, weak and destined to be broken." -Iain Provan

We need people. We have been designed for community and our lives are "meaningless" without it. Ecclesiastes clearly presents the contrast of the wise man and the foolish man (as does proverbs). Guess what, the wise man is the one who, while working as he should, does not strive continually after gain that is always just beyond his grasp. He knows the balance that must be found in life between sloth and toil. Our constant striving for more is not only a slap in the face of the God who gave us more than we need, but it is a recipe for certain disaster in the end. It is impossible to strive after gain for your entire life without trampling over the people around you. Families are broken, friendships are destroyed, and the individuals life, in the end, accounts for nothing. So you have great wealth, do you have someone with whom to enjoy what your work has brought you? So you have more than your neighbor, is your family bruised and bleeding along side the road of your life? In the end the same fate befits us all. Our wealth, possessions, and awards will not follow us into eternity. Life on this earth is but a breath and it is a wasted breath if it is not lived out under the joy of God; under the freeing, unstoppable view of his sovereignty. God is in control and no matter how hard we try we cannot change or stop what He has set in motion. What a comforting thought! Having wealth or not is not the important part here. The important part is how your life is lived. Is it lived in relationship or is it lived in constant discontentment and striving? So you may have wealth, is it worth forfeiting your soul?

This idea is hanging heavy over me. At the end of my career at Biola what will be said of me? Will I have fantastic grades, remember every detail about the Bible, know the Greek backwards and forwards (ha!) and be able to lord my knowledge over all of the "common people" (i.e. non-bible majors- please know that I am simply showing how rediculous the level of arrogance that is all to often associated with those in this department is, and that I don't think that!)? Or will I be known as a woman who sought the Lord with all her heart, a woman who loved as Jesus loved, a woman who spent these four years in relationship with the people that God has placed in her life, a woman who lived out the Gospel in relationship with others, even if it means not graduating with honors. Will I be part of a community that keeps each other warm on cold nights, fights each others battles, and helps dig each other out of the pits that life throws us in? By God's grace, yes.

I apologize if this comes off a little on the guilt-laden side, it really isn't meant to! Those who know me well, know that I am very passionate (to a fault sometimes), and usually end up having to apologize for what I say. I hope this isn't one of those cases :-)

They Probably Think I'm Crazy

2008-09-09T15:23:00.000-07:00

My RC and his wife came over for cookies last night, and while they were walking over I locked us out of my apartment.

True story.

Seriously?

2008-09-04T14:38:00.000-07:00

Our screen door locked us in this morning until Heidi broke it.

I'm about to start running around campus and screaming "MAINTENANCE!!!!"

I love my major so much. I get to learn about the Bible for my school! No math, no science, no English (because I keep putting it off)... it's beautiful.

Our Pets Heads Are Falling Off...

2008-09-02T14:25:00.000-07:00

After approximately a week in the Apartment it suddenly turned on us. It all started with the shower curtain.

We were all minding our own business when "BAM!" (no... not batman) the shower curtain comes tumbling to the ground, never to return to it's position for very long ever again. Turns out, that when the tile gets moist (as it is prone to do in a shower!) the curtain rod can't handle it and it falls. This wasn't too much of a problem until it fell on me. That hurt. So, now the shower curtain is serving absolutely no purpose at all and is actually hanging over a clothes rack in my bedroom so it can dry out until we can put it back up. Showering is quite a difficult task when one has no shower curtain or shower door. It's also very cold.

After the shower curtain fiasco, mirrors and picture frames began jumping from their positions on the walls and our beloved air conditioner decided it was taking Labor day off as well. It has yet to return. Next was the screen door. Now we have to very carefully close our door so that the spring that normally pulls the screen shut, does not put giant holes into our door. Oh yeah, and the first day we moved in our garage door broke twice.

After all of this stuff started breaking voluntarily, I started dropping and/or breaking everything I touched. A bag I was using to carry movies, a sandwich griller, and some cookbooks broke and the contents scattered across the floor. Fortunately, my RC (resident coordinator) was walking into the apartment complex at the same time and helped me gather up my belongings and bring them to my apartment. Right as he was leaving a bag that I had placed on my desk fell over and scattered caramel chex that my apartment-mate had made all over the floor. I just rolled my eyes. On my way back from playing tennis my bag broke, and I knocked a picture frame off the wall in my RC's apartment when we went to bring him and his wife a movie they wanted to borrow.

I'm so glad it's no longer yesterday. So far, today has been much less clumsy. Oh maintenence please come soon!

After all this all I can really do is just laugh. It keeps the tears from coming. Isn't life funny!

It's Only Taken Me Two Years

2008-08-26T15:54:00.000-07:00

I start my third year of college tomorrow morning at 8am. Most people fall in love with their school or at least some experience they are having in college within the first year (sometimes first week), but my experience has been quite different. My freshman year I wanted to leave more than anything, but stuck it out. Sophomore year I was fine, but still not really excited about it.

Sophomore year changed everything. God answered a huge prayer in my life and provided me with not only a small, close group of girls but also with a floor full of girls that brought so much joy to my life and I consider them very dear friends. God is so faithful and His timing is perfect. Freshman year I needed Him not more people and He knew that. Sophomore year, I needed those relationships along with Him. I'm so blessed by who God has placed in my life to be my closest friends. They are women (and some men) that follow hard after God and daily seek to fix their eyes on what really matters... Christ.

Junior year is starting out beautifully and I am full of hope for an even brighter next couple of years. I moved into my first apartment with my 3 best friends and already God is revealing his divine purpose and plan in it. We need each other and we know it.

My roommate and I talked last night about our feelings of restlessness and anxiety and she showed me an Amy Carmichael devotional she had just started reading. The page and a half was devoted to being at home in Christ. No matter where our physical bodies are, or how little we know about where we are going, we are home. May we daily be reminded of what really matters. Christ.

I had heard this before and saw it again on a friends facebook. It clearly sums up what our lives should look like as Christians. Be encouraged my friends, Christ is near and ever so capable of accomplishing what needs to be done in our lives and hearts.

"Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me, Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me, Christ on my right, Christ on my left, Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit, Christ when I stand, Christ in the heart of everyone who thinks of me, Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me, Christ in every eye that sees me, Christ in every ear that hears me. - St. Patrick

The Ocean Is Big And Powerful And There Are Sharks In It.

2008-08-19T21:14:00.000-07:00

Day four has been lovely. We spent the day at two different beaches snorkeling, stopping for lunch and for icecream in between and then finished up the day at the pool.

Today has been another reminder of one constan problem in my life... My fear of (or healthy respect for) the ocean. I want to enjoy snorkeling and swimming but all I can think about is the fact that at any minute some giant sea creature could come and eat me and I can't swim well enough to deal with currents.

Now the hotel waterslide? THAT I have mastered.

Day 3 in Maui

2008-08-18T15:53:00.000-07:00

I ACCIDENTALLY gave the pool boy my room key today. Luckily he's an upstanding citizen who informed me that that was not my towel card.

Good times.

Well Hello There!

2008-08-14T14:15:00.000-07:00

Ok so it's been almost a month since I last wrote because since that last time I wrote I have done... NOTHING! My life has consisted of data entry, the gym, and eating back every calorie I just burned, and believe me you don't want to hear about any of those.

So why, you may ask, am I suddenly writing again? Did something interesting happen that I just absolutely had to write about? No! I just thought I'd tell all y'all that Saturday morning at 10am I am boarding a plane for Maui! Then I will spend the rest of my week swimming, relaxing, kayaking, hiking, running on the beach (ok, so that will probably turn into crying on the beach, but i'm going to try), and most importantly eating! I will return a week from Sunday and I will be very tan and relaxed and mostly likely have very frizzy hair.

The day after I return I will be moving into my apartment with my lovely new roommates who I am so excited to finally be living with. School starts the 27th which I am strangely also excited about... that will last about a month and a half and than mid-october will role around and I'll cry.

Maybe after all this I will have something interesting or atleast mildly entertaining to write about. Don't hold your breath.

I'm making pasta with zuchinni and tomatoes in a cream sauce for dinner. Jealous much?

Quote of the day: "I'm sorry I must have been sleep punching" -Afton

The Kern River is Cold... Cold and Awesome.

2008-07-24T13:28:00.000-07:00

If you were wondering why I haven't posted in a week (which i'm sure you're not, since that's about how often I post anyways), it's because I have been in a lovely little place called Johnsondale. It's about 30 minutes above Kernville and it's fantastic. My family spends a few weeks a year at our cabin up there and I join them when I can. This summer we spent two of the three days I was up there floating in rafty things in the Kern River. Pop quiz! Where do mountain rivers get there water from? That's right! Melted Snow! It was cold. Cold but surprisingly relaxing. My sisters and I also spent some time singing and playing bluegrass music together (all two of the songs we know). One guitar (the other wouldn't tune right), one banjo, and two voices adds up to a lot of fun. We're thinking about playing both our songs at the Temecula Bluegrass Festival next year... ;-)

But, it all seriousness how many times in our busy lives do we get to spend hours during the day floating around in circles, trying not to get carried down stream and the evening serenading our neighbors with "I'll Fly Away" and "Will the Circle be Unbroken"? Not many my friends, not many. Fortunately for me, now that we have rafty things I get to spend at least a few days a year floating in a river and hopefully we'll learn more songs for next year.

Life is good :-)

There's A Cookie For Everything

2008-07-16T12:59:00.000-07:00

Today I bought a gingerbread cookie in what appears to be the shape of a manitee.

Why would anyone shape a cookie into a manitee on purpose (well, besides my manitee obsessed sister Cate)? I think it was supposed to be something else, but if it was, that person should be fired or told that their talents lie elsewhere... not in shaping gingerbread cookies.

So now i'm curious... What's the weirdest shaped cookie you've eaten or seen?

My New Favorite Thing

2008-07-09T13:00:00.000-07:00

Two words: Google Earth.

I downloaded google earth yesterday and I've been having loads of fun since than. Today i've been to the Pyramids, the Eiffel Tower, Kuwait (not my idea!), Outer Space, my sister's house, my friend Lydia's house, and Greece. It's been a busy morning. Don't worry, I promise I won't staulk anybody to much. Oh calm down, I kid! I won't staulk anyone at all!!

Yesterday I went to San Francisco. It was fun. Even though this is keeping my short short attention span occupied and entertained for hours, it's still pretty creepy. People can look at your house!!! My car is actually in the shot of my sister's house... weird. If you go to my parents house on Google Earth my sister's horse looks like a skeleton. It's gross.

Amanda just told me it was April and Afton just accidentally threw my mail on the ground. Carbon Monoxide leak? I think so.

Blah, Blah, Blah

2008-07-08T14:08:00.000-07:00

Does nothing happen in my life or am I just bad at recalling stories in interesting ways? I can't figure out how to write on my blog regularly when there doesn't seem to be anything to say! I start to write, and than all that comes out is "And than she said 'bah bah bah', and than I hit her".

Seriously. I'll get back to you when something happens or I have a thought (thought's are not flowing very freely right now... its been rough).

Giftings

2008-07-02T11:51:00.001-07:00

Everyone has a gifting... something they excel at, something they get a thrill from when everyone else wants to vomit when think about performing that task.

I'm thinking about adding "ripping paper to make it look old around the edges" to mine. I just got very good at it.

More Than You Wanted to Know About Not Very Much

2008-06-27T11:25:00.000-07:00

Hello my loyal readers! (all two of you!)

I know it's been a long time since I wrote, I got bored with myself and just had nothing to say. But! I'm back! Still pretty much bored with myself, but I have stuff to say about the Saddleback Worship Conference that me and 8 others from our team attended this past week. Here is a condensed version of things I learned and experiences we had this week.

1). Leeland is cool and a he paces... a lot.

2). As much as I appreciate Gospel music, I can still only handle about 20 minutes of it. The repetition gets to me, but I love how God ministers to different people through different types of music. I like more of the rock stuff... David Upton anyone?

3). Rick Muchow still dances

4). Christy Knockels and Buddy Owens preached exactly what I needed to hear.

5). I Went to some songwriting workshops and got some really good advice and insight into writing from some of the top worship songwriters out there.

6). Guys are gross no matter what age they are, but also a whole lot of fun:-)

7). Drums are so much more of an art form than i've ever known before

8). When 3,000 worship leaders and band members are singing along with a choir and full band you can't hear when the fire alarm goes off.

9). I ran into someone that used to be a leader in my Jr. High youth group who I haven't seen since Jr. High (Hi Bobby!)

10). Tim Davis hugged me

11). 90% of Erin Wible's jokes go right over my head.

12). I sang one of my songs at an open mic thing and wasn't booed off the stage!

13). God is incredibly faithful

Hi, My Name is Ellie and I'm a Baseball-aholic

2008-06-12T09:49:00.001-07:00

I just voted 25 times (the maximum amount allowed) for every single Anaheim Angel that was nominated for the 2008 All-Star game and entered a contest to win a trip to the game and the Homerun Derby. If you haven't figured it out already... I love baseball.

The All-Star game is in New York this year (Yankee Stadium). If I won that contest I could not only go to the All-Star game for free, but I could go to New York for free and get paid $2000! New York... Baseball.. $2000... free!!! YAY!!!!! Everybody do a little jig with me! The only problem is... I never win anything. Let's hope that changes because I've entered two contests now to win trips to games (one in Chicago which gives you $500 to spend). Everybody pray I win. Ok? If I win I might take you... actually, probably not. Please don't get angry. Just think good happy thoughts... See don't you feel better? Ok, where was I... oh yeah, baseball! Yay!

Both of these trips combine 3 things I love. 1)Baseball. 2)Shopping. 3)visiting big cities that i've never been to before and am dying to go to (i.e. NY and Chicago).

Until then, I will continue to loyally and fiercely love and defend my Angels (Vlad Guerrero in particular... i loved him before he became the face of the Angels by the way!)

Hospitable: It's easier to be than to spell

2008-06-02T10:25:00.000-07:00

Paul has a very clear list of qualifications for elders and deacons of the church in 1st/2nd Tim. and Titus. How seriously does the church today take these qualifications? Of course we look at the negative ones like making sure he is not cheating on his wife, an alcoholic, greedy with his money, and has a bad temper, and we do our best to keep people who have demonstrated those characteristics out of leadership in the church. However, do we look carefully at the the characteristics he should be showing? Is he hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined? If he's not the negative things than he must be the positive ones right? Wrong.

This post is going to be focused on the area of hospitality and how so many of the men and women who serve so faithfully in the church are often overlooking this one qualification. The early church and Paul knew what hospitality is. In fact, that culture still does. They would be appalled at our lack of an open door policy. Our western culture is so concerned with privacy and having time to ourselves that we miss out on the ministry that simply keeping our porch light on and actually being home is. Don't get me wrong, there is a balance that must be had for the sake of the family unit. Also, hospitality does not mean allowing yourself to be used and abused by anyone who feels like coming to your house at midnight and staying until they feel like they've been ministered to on a regular basis. Rather it is people who are really in need knowing that you are available, it is inviting your small group to your house for a barbecue more than once a year, it is opening your home to new people in the church and the community, it is taking cookies to your new neighbors, it is taking meals to the sick the poor and the needy, it is opening our eyes to the need around us and doing something about it even if it means we don't get that bubble bath we've been dying for because someone showed up and needs love.

My prayer is that we as the body of Christ would take seriously the charge to be hospitable, and open our hearts as well as our doors.

If you would like to see how the body of Christ can minister to people because of one woman's heart and ideas to reach the community around her for Christ and take care of the poor and the needy, check out these websites.

www.thebrooktemecula.com

www.randomacts245.com

Maybe Next Time...

2008-05-20T13:08:00.000-07:00

My song was not chosen for the Songseeker competition this year, but that's ok. Seriously.

I'll keep writing and hopefully by next year I will have improved, and i'll enter again. I didn't expect to be chosen but the confirmation of it is still a little dissapointing.

No matter what, God is teaching me so much about Himself and about myself through the process of writing these songs. First of all, He has given me the ability to somewhat express the difficulty of the last few years and how through it all He is faithful and He is my hope in this life. As I play through or read through the songs that I've written over the last few years I can see a definite pattern. Pain, darkness, a desperation for Him, and in the end... Hope. Hope because He is faithful and loving and He is there with me whether I see or feel him or not. I can't tell you how many times I've felt like He was no where to be found over these past few years, but I can tell you that He was there. He IS here. He is the light that shines in the darkness even when we are blind to it. No matter how big the problem, no matter how devastating... He will carry you through. You'll see when the other side comes.

When the darkness consumes my day
and I feel like, you've turned away
when I'm straining to see
the dimming glow of your face
and it seems gone without a trace

In the darkness I'll believe
what you've shown me in the light
and I will wait, I'll wait on you
I will wait, I'll wait on you.

When the darkness consumes my night
I cant remember the last time I saw the light
But I remember the price
the price that You paid
So even if the dark never fades
I'll proclaim your truth today
(Copyright 2008)

Corn and Tijuana

2008-05-15T14:50:00.001-07:00

Right about now you are probably asking yourself "How could corn and tijuana go together in the same post? Is she talking about mexican food?" Well, the answer is... they don't! and no i'm not talking about mexican food!

I was looking through some recipes because school's almost over and i'm excited to cook yummy stuff this summer and next year in my new apartment:-). As I was looking at these recipes I realized just how much I hate corn. I really really really hate it. I don't even want to look at it. Ever. Just seeing pictures of it in recipes or seeing the words "corn" in a recipe, or hearing about summer corn makes me a wee bit ill. I really hate it.

Now. You may be wondering what Tijuana has to do with that. Well, i'll tell you. NOTHING! I just got pictures from my trip to Tijuana with my church and I thought I'd share one with you. You're welcome.

Have I mentioned how much I hate corn? Oh, and that strange little square next to the picture is a tiny version of the picture that I couldn't figure out to get rid of.

Have a splendid corn free day!

"Investments"

2008-05-13T10:26:00.000-07:00

Isn't it absolutely beautiful? It's mine:-)

I'll be indebt to my father for the rest of my life, but hey, that was bound to happen anyway.

I Say It's Homeschooling's Fault

2008-05-12T18:39:00.000-07:00

I have a need for freedom. Whether I choose to use it or not I still need to know it's there.

I blame this on being homeschooled. Don't get me wrong, homeschooling is a highlight of my life but it messes you up for having to do things when someone else tells you to. By the time I was in 5th grade I had the freedom to do my school in about 2-3 hours and spend the rest of my time doing whatever I wanted. I also had the freedom to do my school wherever I wanted to or wherever my mom happened to need to be. The fact that I spent most of Jr. High and Highschool doing homework in a field near my house doesn't lend itself very well to class room settings.

I had no problem adjusting at first, but the longer I'm in school the more this desire for freedom keeps creeping up. Being required to be in a certain classroom at a certain time is starting to drive me batty and the thought of a 9-5 job possibly being in my future makes me want to vomit and runaway screaming.

I do not see this desire for freedom and flexibility as a bad thing at all. I loved being homeschooled and I love that it allowed me to pretty much do everything I could possibly think of wanting to do as long as my mom could drive me, but 12 years of that type of freedom will sure make college start to feel smothering after awhile. I think my main desire to homeschool my kids comes from my desire to be able to just get in the car, find a field, start exploring, and call it science.

Partial freedom in 1 1/2 weeks!!!

David Cook Forever

2008-05-06T10:18:00.000-07:00

David Cook rocks and should win American Idol and than the show should stop because they will never be able to top having an ACTUAL musician and rockstar win that show.

I mean seriously. Look at that!

David A. makes me incredibly uncomfortable. Anyone who seemingly voluntarily squints their eyes that much has got to be a little sketch.

Jason Castro is awesome. I love how he can barely finish a sentence and usually just ends up shrugging and smiling.

Syesha... broadway is waiting. Don't make them wait another day!

I Want to Learn Spanish

2008-05-05T21:16:00.000-07:00

I went on a Tijuana housebuilding trip this past weekend for the first time. I can't even begin to describe to you the impact it had on my life, but i'm going to try anyway :-)

I had really no idea what to expect even though many of my good friends had been on trips like this in the past and I'd heard all about it, so I was a little nervous. Saturday morning we woke up at 6am, spent time in private devotions, ate breakfast, and than had a time of worship and teaching as a group (about 70 of us when we combined the two churches). That alone was a great experience but the real stuff started after that.

We followed our fearless leader Steve (his last name was leader to!!) and the man who owned the property through the treacherous Tijuana streets (driving is frickin scary) to the place where he lived and where we would be building a 12x12 addition on to his house for his 4 boys to live in.

The structure we built by any normal standard would have been considered a nice shack, but to this man it was the best thing that had happened to him in a long time. The pure joy on his face while we were building was like no joy I had never seen before. He eagerly helped when he could but would frequently sit back and just watch with that incredible smile on his face.

A friend and I had the privilege of taking a break from building to play with about 15 neighborhood children. Laura was able to communicate a little bit with them, but for the most part we just gestured everything we could and they excitedly chattered away in spanish. A little girl named Lupita showed me her secret handshake and hugged me harder than I've ever been hugged by a 7 year old when I left. The joy these children had despite the conditions in which they live was inspiring as well. They love with a pure and devoted love that I pray I exhibit to those around me.

After starting the project at 10:30am we finished around 5pm. After we finished we all gathered inside the house to pray over it. Once we were all inside Jorge (the dad) began speaking and while he spoke he cried. After he finished Carlos (our resident translator!) explained that Jorge had never thought this was possible with his resources and that he was so happy to see how God blessed him and his family and how much he loved each one of us. He asked for our names so he could continue to pray for us... I cried.

I am so blessed. This I know. But I also know that I need to be a much better steward of what I have so that I can know the pure joy that being grateful for whatever God gives me brings. God has blessed us immensely here in America, let us be His hands and feet to those who need Him the most.

"Let me live like you, may I sit beside those who cannot walk.

Let me live like you, may I not forget the poor and the needy,

may I stand with those who need you most

and let me live like you."

P.S. On a much lighter note... I ate Lengua (sp?). Do you know what that is?

B-I-O-L-A

2008-05-01T14:56:00.000-07:00

In two-ish weeks I will be done with my second year of college.

I started to list the good and bad from the past two years and I was so blessed to see how much the good outweighs the bad. When I first started at Biola I was miserable. I had great roommates, and some really good friends, but emotionally it was awful.

God has completely changed that around and I have really come to love Biola. It's not perfect, but it's a wonderful school and place to be for now. After I made it passed the crying, and not sleeping or eating part and came to terms with the new stuff I was learning about my own personality it all worked out.

I've learned so much about myself and I know I will continue to learn more, and God's grace and steadfast loving kindness will always carry me through the good and the bad. The past 2 years have been hard but God has shown himself faithful in greater ways than I could ever have imagined. I know that He brought me to the place of feeling absolutely alone in order for me to really know His touch and fulfillment in my heart and life.

God is faithful and the only who can truly fulfill the deepest caverns of your soul. It is God that makes us useful to Him, and He who gives us the power to trust him (yay Holy Spirit! woo hoo!). I'm so grateful that He gives me the power to do whatever He asks me to, because without Him it would be impossible. I'll let King David and King Solomon say the rest.

"I love the Lord, for He heard my voice; He heard my cry for mercy. Because He turned His ear to me, I will call on Him as long as I live." - Psalm 116:1-2

"You are my hiding place; You will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance." - Psalm 32:7

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you." - Psalm 32:8

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." - Proverbs 3:5

Rejection: Good for the Soul?

2008-04-29T11:50:00.000-07:00

What is it in our make up that makes us so afraid of rejection? Seriously. What is it?

I took a huge step today toward what will quite possibly end in rejection. I sent in a song to a songwriting competition. It is now completely out of my hands and on it's way as we speak to Lake Forest. I'm terrified. I keep telling myself that it is good no matter what the outcome. I mean, I did it! I should get some points for bravery right? Even after all the time spent talking to myself I'm still terrified (maybe I should be terrified about the amount of time I spend talking to myself instead of the song... ey well).

Have any of you done something that absolutely terrified you but in the long run you know just the act of doing it made you a stronger, better person? All 2 of you who read this please respond! I want to know what kinds of rejection you risked!

What Do Beethoven, Mozart, Purcell, and Bach All Have in Common?

2008-04-28T10:10:00.000-07:00

I haven't studied them enough.

I'm listening to Beethoven's 5th symphony right now in a last minute attempt to immerse myself in it before my test today, and my music major friend is going to help me out at lunch. 65% here i come!

Note to the children: STUDY BEFORE THE DAY OF YOUR TEST!

Am I Missing Something?

2008-04-24T11:38:00.000-07:00

Do you ever get that feeling that you are missing something terribly, terribly important?

I have that feeling everyday. 90% of the people I know at school are in freak out, living dead mode because finals are three weeks away. I, however, have precious little to do before finals and I'm getting a little nervous. I have the usual homework and a few little paper re-writes to do, but other than that... pretty much nothing.

I keep telling myself that it's because bible major classes tend to be top heavy and the professors have a general tendency to make you cry in the beginning and then assign absolutely nothing at the end... yet, i'm still not confident.

Is it because I dropped that one class? Does three units really make that much of a difference to one's stress levels?! Anyhoodle, since next year I will have a full load again I'm just going to enjoy this slow, mellow ride for as long as I can (i.e. 3 more weeks) and pray that I'm not missing something.

Was Kindergarten Really That Long Ago?

2008-04-22T11:37:00.000-07:00

Question. Shouldn't juniors in college be able to write papers well?

I spent a few hours yesterday editing some papers for a class and I was surprised to see that although their ideas were good they just didn't follow the rules.

Isn't following the rules something we are supposed to learn in kindergarten?

Fact. People are lazy.

Please. No One Shoot Me For Saying This.

2008-04-17T14:50:00.000-07:00

*Please note that this is not a broad statement about all missionaries, pastors, people in general... It is simply my experience and a question I have.

I spent three years in a highschool youthgroup that had a tendency to put those who were interested in or decided to dedicate their lives to full time over seas missions on a pedestal. Granted, missions is necessary and my proverbial hat is off to those who have this calling on their life and obey it. However, for those of us who do not have a passion for or feel a calling to this way of life it was always a bit frustrating and confusing. I'm sure the intention of our leaders was never to make those who weren't going into overseas missions feel as if they weren't serving God, but unfortunately, they brought in speaker after speaker who either implied that or said those very words. I believe that the missionfield is all around us and one person is not serving a higher calling than another simply because he/she is serving God overseas (or in Mexico).

After the second or third time a speaker made this intimation, I, being my quiet, timid, soft-spoken self, very patiently voiced my concerns and questions about this teaching. NOT! The truth is, I got really frustrated and marched up to my youthpastor and said, "what the heck?!" Yes. I know this was not the best approach, but have someone imply or say that you are not serving God in what you feel called to do and see how you react! I was never given a satisfactory explanation, and was told to examine why that bugged me so much.

So... I examined... and examined... and examined (ok, that's probably a slight exageration because, lets face it, i get bored pretty quickly and examining takes a lot of patience and insight that I didn't really have in highschool, and still am working towards).

I was still frustrated.

Why is this so often the case when missionaries speak? I have known so many wonderful missionaries, and I am so glad that there are people in this world with a passion to spread the name of Christ to every corner of this world. But why do so many lay on the guilt trip?

The truth is, God made each one of us differently and he gave us all different passions, abilities, and ministry assignments. Each one of us has been wired by God for different things. What would happen to Christians in the U.S. if every pastor up and left to minister over seas? What would the U.S. look like if every Christian grew up and left it? Every person on this earth matters to God, and therefore should matter to those who love Him. Every person. Including those in the U.S. America needs us to! Yes, we may have freedom, and money, and stuff... but does that mean we are not hurting and desperately in need of a savior? No.

I think I understand why those who decide to move to Afghanistan get more recognition than those who choose to stay in Orange County, San Diego, the Bay Area, and every other city with billions. It is more of a sacrifice to uproot yourself and move to Afghanistan, and granted much more dangerous and culturally difficult. But I would appreciate it if the same encouragement and appreciation was shown to those Christians who God has called to be pastors, school teachers, lawyers, social workers, musicians, stay at home moms/dads, etc. They are doing the work of the Lord, and they are equally as important to the body of Christ.

Please understand that I am in no way belittling the work that overseas missionaries do. That would be horrible of me. I am simply asking that we as Christians not be so quick to elevate one ministry assignment over another and to keep in mind that as much as the corners of the world need Jesus, so does your country. Pray for them and develop a passion for the people of America just as it is so easy to do for the people of much more less fortunate country.

Think about what a better place America would be for those refugees fleeing their countries to find safety here!

P.S. Sorry this is so long.

Sad Realizations

2008-04-15T11:19:00.001-07:00

No one reads this thing.

Family

2008-04-08T15:00:00.000-07:00

A good family is a wonderful thing.

I spent this weekend in the mountains with my family and our close friends. We were celebrating my mom's birthday and generally enjoying each other.

When you can simply enjoy one another for who you are it really makes life interesting and joyful. The volume level this weekend would shock some people, but to me it represented the vibrant life present in our friends and family and the love between each of us.

I pray that I never take for granted the family I have been blessed with and the extended family that has been given to me through close friends. It hit me this weekend especially hard that I have been blessed with not only fantastic parents, but my parents friends and my Aunts and Uncles. They are people I have grown up with, love dearly, and have no doubt in my mind that they would love me and my sisters as their own if they ever needed to.

Even though I am pretty sure that none of them read this blog I still want to say thank you and I love you with all my heart!

Baseball's Back, Oh yeah!

2008-04-01T14:52:00.000-07:00

The boys are back in town (well, actually in Minnesota... but soon they'll be back in town), and I will soon be at the stadium again. All will be well (wow. that's a lot of double L's).

The first game was a disappointing one. We had a chance and we lost it (yes, I refer to a team I have nothing to do with as "we"... get over it, it's what real fans do). I won't bore you with the details, but lets say I read about the game after in ended (stupid lack of cable!) and I wanted to cry.

We'll do better tomorrow, I just know it. Look how pumped K-Rod is!

P.S. I know you don't care, so just humor me. Oh, and I also apologize for the Backstreet Boys reference in my title, I just couldn't resist.

If Only I Could Read Non-Ancient Greek

2008-03-13T15:00:00.000-07:00

I know I promised that I would write more about the Spiritual gifts vs. Ministry assignments thing, but to be honest I'm bored of that right now.

Instead, I've decided to write about the places I want to go.

I've been fortunate to have a family that loves loves loves to travel. I, however, am not exactly in that category. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy seeing places and experiencing new things, and if anyone tells me "we're going to * insert name of tropical island here*" I will do whatever they tell me. However, I have a slight travelling problem. Well, it's actually two of them. One of them is that being in a new place (especially where they don't speak English) makes me a tad anxious thanks to the Heath family (my mom's side) genes. The other issue is that after about 2 hours (give or take an hour and a half) in a car, or a few hours in an airplane I start to lose my mind. I am getting better, but very few things sound worse to me than anything over a 10 hour plane ride (it's up there with looking at a snake and the dentist). I wish I was one of those people who could just settle in and read a book for 72 hours straight or sleep in planes/cars but I'm not. I try very hard, and I have been getting better... but I like to be doing things not sitting.

Inspite of all this, there are places that I would gladly overcome my self diagnosed ADD issues to visit.

Numero Uno being Greece. Who wouldn't want to see that?

My dad says it's dirty and he won't take me there, but that's ok. I'll go without him. Hopefully, some day I will be able to scrounge up the money (and someone to go with) and spend some time over there. Something about those white buildings with blue roofs over looking that beautiful ocean is completely irresistable to me.

Where do you want to go? I will keep posting places that I want to go until enough of you tell me where you want to go... and even than i'll probably keep posting.

Spiritual Gifts Vs. Ministry Assignments

2008-03-10T14:03:00.000-07:00

Do you know what your spiritual gift is? More importantly... Do you know what a "spiritual gift" is?

We so flippantly throw around the term spiritual gifts in Christian circles today, but do we really understand what Paul meant in his letter to the Corinthians? Does each person have a special ability given to him by God that determines where he/she should be serving in ministry for their entire lives? Can we determine these so called "gifts" by 800 question assessment tests? I am more and more convinced that we cannot, and that we aren't even right in our interpretation of what a "spiritual gift" is.

That's just a little glimpse of what is to come... I have to go to class now so i'll write more about the other option soon. In the mean time, what do you think?

Have a splendid almost spring but feels like summer day!

Use Your Words!

2008-02-28T12:55:00.000-08:00

Why is there so much crazy in the world?
I am daily amazed at the utter madness that some people live in. Unfortunately, these people seem to frequently cross paths with me or someone i'm close to. It makes me want to scream "what the heck is wrong with you people?!", but i'm told that that wouldn't be a good idea and so I scream it silently in my head.

Why can't people just be honest and say what they are actually feeling? I know this comes naturally to some people and is completely impossible for others, but I feel like it is something that could be taught and learned. Yes, I know that it is not always a good idea to say exactly whatever you are feeling or thinking at the exact moment you are feeling or thinking it (believe me. I know.), but is it really that hard to do that most of the time?

If people could just say how they were actually feeling I believe life would be easier. Yes it may mean that you have less friends, but the ones you have would be true friends that actually like you for who you are not just what you can give them.

What do you think? The sky might fall on us and the sun might just combust (just in case you were wondering, that's an actual line of an actual song... Just for you Mike D), but would it be better to just be honest?

Ok. Bitter rampage over. For now.

P.S. Now that i've calmed down a little bit I will say that I'm grateful that I have people in my life that stop me from saying exactly what I think at the exact moment I'm thinking it... I know I have a problem. But lying is worse.

Happy Valentines Day!

2008-02-14T13:00:00.001-08:00

Today I decided that instead of being made more aware of my singleness by focusing on the fact that I have no adorably wonderful man in my life to send me flowers and do sweet things for me, and no adorably wonderful man for me to do sweet things for, I would buy red carnations and give them to girls who are in the same boat I'm in. My theory is that it's always nice to get flowers on Valentines Day whether they are from a man whose in love with you or not (the former would be better though...).

Since this day is about love and it is very easy to get depressed on days celebrating love when you are single, I also decided to read about love in the Bible this morning. I read 1 Cor. 13 (of course!), and 1st John 3. These passages remind us what love really is and how it acts.

So... if you don't have a romantic love do not fret! Jesus loves you more than anyone on this earth possibly could!!

Whether you have a romantic love in your life or not use this day as a reminder to love people in general and to actively share the love that you have been given from the Father of Lights who gives all good things to us (including that man/woman you get to love and who loves you!)

To those of you who make my life all the more special and full of love: I LOVE YOU!!

P.S. In regards to my last post, my sister is the one who originally put the idea in my head to drop the class. Just so you all know :-)

I Quit!

2008-02-12T13:10:00.000-08:00

I have never quit anything in my entire life. Whether it was the numerous kinds of dance that I did from Hula/Tahitian to Ballet/Tap/Jazz or the one sport I played (tennis), or piano lessons, I was never the one that ended these endeavors. My teacher/coach/mother (she denies making me quit hula to this day) was always the one that quit, stopped showing up, or told me we lived to far away now.

Yesterday, for the first time in my entire life I quit something. Even though it's only a temporary quitting since I will have to take the class later on, it was still quiting. It was new for me, but let me tell you... IT FEELS GREAT! Now, i'm not saying that this is going to be a frequent part of my life, because that's just not me... but it felt great to have the freedom to say, "nope. I'm not going to take that class anymore, I would like to have friends and actually retain what I learn in my other classes."

I felt about an 80 pound weight lifted off of me yesterday. I was free, smiley, giggily, and lighthearted. Also, for the first time in the last two weeks I woke up this morning without bloodshot eyes that look like i've been on crack for about 8 years.

All this to say, sometimes giving up is the right thing to do.

P.S. As I was writing this I remembered that I did quit something once. I quit one classical education program to move to another one.

It's Almost Spring... And You Know What That Means!

2008-02-05T14:11:00.000-08:00

BASEBALL IS COMING BACK!!!!

Those words bring rest to my soul. In two of the longest months of my life the sporting love of my life will return to me (and I mean baseball in general, not just Vladi... so no suggestive comments).

I discovered after the superbowl this weekend that I can not emotionally handle being fully invested in any other sport than baseball. It's too much. My mood for the day generally depends on whether the boys are winning or losing, and that is too much to carry through out the whole year. April to September (and sometimes October) is almost more than my big loyal and obssessed heart can stand. Maybe at some point in my life I will be able to handle being an avid fan of something other than baseball, but if I tried it now I might die.

Spring training starts this month and soon ESPN will be littered with news about the upcoming season, and it will finally be worth watching again.

I think I can already smell the stadium... it's a surprisingly peaceful smell (even the smell of the beer soaked people around me brings a smile to my face). It's all part of the wonderfulness that is baseball.

Obsession. It's not just a fragrance.

2008-01-31T13:32:00.000-08:00

I know it's been approximately 8 years since I last wrote on this, but you'll forgive me won't you? Please?! Well, I'm going to write something whether you read it or not and hopefully you'll come to trust me again over time (please?).

I've always struggled with becoming fixated on certain things. I love planning, making lists so I can cross off the items on the list once I finish them, and thinking about whatever is on my little over stimulated brain. The problem here lies in the fact that these little thoughts and possibilities become obsessions. So the question is whether or not it's possible to change my "plan ahead" personality (and whether or not that is necessary), or attempt to control the things I focus on. Even though you didn't ask, and probably don't care, I'm going to tell you what I think about this. This is also a pretty new thought process for me, so it's not exactly perfect. Here goes!

Having a fixed focus is not a bad thing and I don't necessarily need to change my personality, just my focus.

The problem lies in what you are fixed on. The apostle Paul had a fixed focus, Christ! His writings frequently digress from what he was actually talking about to Christ. Granted, he's usually talking about Christ... but when he's not, the name repeatedly shows up in his writings anyway (Paul's writings comprise 73% of the times that Christ is mentioned in the NT). Paul was obsessed. His obsession drove his passion and his entire life.

Obsession and fixation is not in itself a bad thing. The danger lies in what becomes the object of our obsessions. Paul had it right. Fixate on Christ and all other passions, loves, and trials will be seen in the light of His will. I've always been amazed at Paul's attitude towards trials and pain, but now it's even more clear to me why he was the way he was. Christ and Christ alone.

Now, i'm not saying that we should sit in our rooms and read nothing but our bibles and never speak to anyone but God. That wouldn't be following the example of Christ. I'm just saying that maybe if we fixate on the right thing, the rest of what we normally obsess over will fade to a normal level of priority in our lives.

I'm going to be trying this over the next semester (and hopefully the rest of my life). I want my thoughts and desires to be of Christ and for Christ. His will for my life will flow out of that. My future and God's will for it no longer needs to be my obsession. My obsession can be Christ and the rest is just part of the perks of this life he has given me.

What do you think? Will fixating on Christ help us to stop fixating on other things (although they might be honorable desires)? Tell me!!

"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things... I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurretion from the dead".
~Phil. 3:7-8a, 10-11

Coming Back

2008-01-26T19:52:00.000-08:00

I have returned and I will return again soon.

To My Beloved Caitlin, From Jesus.

2006-04-28T21:55:00.000-07:00

"When the rain comes it seems that everyone has gone away,
when the night falls you wonder if you shouldn't find some place
to run and hide, escape the pain, but hiding's such a lonely thing to do.

I can't stop the rain from falling down on you again,
I can't stop the rain, but I will hold you 'til it goes away.

When the rain comes you blame it on the things that you have done,
when the storm fades you know that rain must fall on everyone
rest awhile, it'll be alright, no one loves you like I do.

When the rain comes, I will hold you."

-Third Day, When the Rain Comes.

I love you Caitlin.

The Waters Rise...

2006-04-07T19:41:00.000-07:00

It was a normal sunday morning at Sunridge Community Church, the constant sound of electric guitars and drums, and the smell of the highly chlorinated water filling the baptismal filled the sanctuary. All was well until...

Three-quarters of the way through practice and it appeared that one of our sound men had finally cracked under the pressure. He was screaming "shut it all off!', and waving his arms around widely while running across the sanctuary towards the door. After about 3o seconds of his screaming the music went silent and we finally saw the water rushing towards us. The Baptismal was overflowing.

For those of you who know anything about electronics and water you know that they do not mix well and this situation is potentially disastrous. Well, at this point everyone is running around trying to unplug chords and microphones as the bass player is frantically trying to save his gear from the flood. I took this as the perfect time to run through the hallways of the church screaming our janitors name, seeing as he is the only one we know knows how to shut the water off.

Eventually, Jim the janitor was found, the water was shut off, and the madness calmed down. The band and the sound team spent the next 20 minutes after the water was shut off squeeging the water back towards the baptismal and using the vacuumy thingy that sucks just about anything out of a carpet. It removed 40 gallons of water from our stage. The baptismal tried to attack once more before the problem was fixed that morning. And all this before 8:30am.

Another Pick-up Line for the Hall of Fame

2006-03-07T22:26:00.000-08:00

I've decided that I am going to make a pick-up line hall of fame. Just to keep track of the pathetic efforts made by some of the male type to be smooth and debonair.

This just about floored me, I couldn't believe someone actually had the guts to say this...

"I would just like to shake your hand... and thank you for being so fine. I appreciate it!"

This is how I was greeted at a restaurant by a stranger who was eating with some of his friends... I couldn't stop laughing.

Angels Will Fill My Spring and Summer.

2006-02-14T21:52:00.000-08:00

We finally got season tickets to Angels Baseball!!!!

This spring and summer will be filled with baseball as it should be. I cannot wait until April now! We have 41 games, 5 seats, and busy employees... Which means, My sisters, friends, and I will have loads of fun lots of times!

Valentines Day was wonderful. I had a whole day in Newport Beach with my boyfriend, which was absolutely wonderful, amazing perfume, and dinner with my small group girls. We got roses from one of the leaders 2,3,4, and 5 year old boys. It was adorable:-D

Good times.

The United States and the Winter Olympics.

2006-02-12T21:05:00.000-08:00

The United States and the winter olympics is a generally sad situation. Let's face it, WE DON'T DO WINTER SPORTS VERY WELL! We dominate the summer olympics, and we barely squeek through in the winter.

Thank God for snowboarders, it is in that sport which our hope lies (We seem to be ok in speed skating thanks to Chad Hedrick).

Enough of my rant about the Olympics. Now, I will tell you a story about a young man who tried to be smooth. (Key word: tried!)

I enter the first set of doors at the same time as this young man at the mall. Than, he walks over and says, "Let me get the door for you" as he holds the automatic door open that was already opened and was quickly closing on his hand. After the uncomfortable laugh he got from me he quickly realized that he had to recover this pathetic moment... So, he opens the real door for me. I once again laugh uncomfortably and say thank you.
It would seem that the uncomfortable situation was over... oh no! He follows me into the music store (I am starting to get worried), I turn around and look back at him with a very uncertain look. He laughs uncomfortably and says, "You have to stop this, you're making me look like I'm following you!" Once again, I laugh uncomfortably and walk away as fast as possible.

That was my evening.

I've finally joined the real world of blogging.

2006-02-11T22:03:00.000-08:00

This is my first blog on a real blog site thingy... how exciting for me:-D

I hope you all enjoy this site, and that I actually post on this one.