Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Maybe Next Time...

My song was not chosen for the Songseeker competition this year, but that's ok. Seriously.

I'll keep writing and hopefully by next year I will have improved, and i'll enter again. I didn't expect to be chosen but the confirmation of it is still a little dissapointing.

No matter what, God is teaching me so much about Himself and about myself through the process of writing these songs. First of all, He has given me the ability to somewhat express the difficulty of the last few years and how through it all He is faithful and He is my hope in this life. As I play through or read through the songs that I've written over the last few years I can see a definite pattern. Pain, darkness, a desperation for Him, and in the end... Hope. Hope because He is faithful and loving and He is there with me whether I see or feel him or not. I can't tell you how many times I've felt like He was no where to be found over these past few years, but I can tell you that He was there. He IS here. He is the light that shines in the darkness even when we are blind to it. No matter how big the problem, no matter how devastating... He will carry you through. You'll see when the other side comes.

When the darkness consumes my day
and I feel like, you've turned away
when I'm straining to see
the dimming glow of your face
and it seems gone without a trace

In the darkness I'll believe
what you've shown me in the light
and I will wait, I'll wait on you
I will wait, I'll wait on you.

When the darkness consumes my night
I cant remember the last time I saw the light
But I remember the price
the price that You paid
So even if the dark never fades
I'll proclaim your truth today
(Copyright 2008)

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Corn and Tijuana

Right about now you are probably asking yourself "How could corn and tijuana go together in the same post? Is she talking about mexican food?" Well, the answer is... they don't! and no i'm not talking about mexican food!

I was looking through some recipes because school's almost over and i'm excited to cook yummy stuff this summer and next year in my new apartment:-). As I was looking at these recipes I realized just how much I hate corn. I really really really hate it. I don't even want to look at it. Ever. Just seeing pictures of it in recipes or seeing the words "corn" in a recipe, or hearing about summer corn makes me a wee bit ill. I really hate it.

Now. You may be wondering what Tijuana has to do with that. Well, i'll tell you. NOTHING! I just got pictures from my trip to Tijuana with my church and I thought I'd share one with you. You're welcome.

Have I mentioned how much I hate corn? Oh, and that strange little square next to the picture is a tiny version of the picture that I couldn't figure out to get rid of.

Have a splendid corn free day!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008


Isn't it absolutely beautiful? It's mine:-)

I'll be indebt to my father for the rest of my life, but hey, that was bound to happen anyway.

Monday, May 12, 2008

I Say It's Homeschooling's Fault

I have a need for freedom. Whether I choose to use it or not I still need to know it's there. 

I blame this on being homeschooled. Don't get me wrong, homeschooling is a highlight of my life but it messes you up for having to do things when someone else tells you to. By the time I was in 5th grade I had the freedom to do my school in about 2-3 hours and spend the rest of my time doing whatever I wanted. I also had the freedom to do my school wherever I wanted to or wherever my mom happened to need to be. The fact that I spent most of Jr. High and Highschool doing homework in a field near my house doesn't lend itself very well to class room settings. 

I had no problem adjusting at first, but the longer I'm in school the more this desire for freedom keeps creeping up. Being required to be in a certain classroom at a certain time is starting to drive me batty and the thought of a 9-5 job possibly being in my future makes me want to vomit and runaway screaming.

I do not see this desire for freedom and flexibility as a bad thing at all. I loved being homeschooled and I love that it allowed me to pretty much do everything I could possibly think of wanting to do as long as my mom could drive me, but 12 years of that type of freedom will sure make college start to feel smothering after awhile. I think my main desire to homeschool my kids comes from my desire to be able to just get in the car, find a field, start exploring, and call it science. 

Partial freedom in 1 1/2 weeks!!!

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

David Cook Forever

David Cook rocks and should win American Idol and than the show should stop because they will never be able to top having an ACTUAL musician and rockstar win that show.
I mean seriously. Look at that!

David A. makes me incredibly uncomfortable. Anyone who seemingly voluntarily squints their eyes that much has got to be a little sketch.

Jason Castro is awesome. I love how he can barely finish a sentence and usually just ends up shrugging and smiling.

Syesha... broadway is waiting. Don't make them wait another day!

Monday, May 05, 2008

I Want to Learn Spanish

I went on a Tijuana housebuilding trip this past weekend for the first time. I can't even begin to describe to you the impact it had on my life, but i'm going to try anyway :-)

I had really no idea what to expect even though many of my good friends had been on trips like this in the past and I'd heard all about it, so I was a little nervous. Saturday morning we woke up at 6am, spent time in private devotions, ate breakfast, and than had a time of worship and teaching as a group (about 70 of us when we combined the two churches). That alone was a great experience but the real stuff started after that. 

We followed our fearless leader Steve (his last name was leader to!!) and the man who owned the property through the treacherous Tijuana streets (driving is frickin scary) to the place where he lived and where we would be building a 12x12 addition on to his house for his 4 boys to live in. 

The structure we built by any normal standard would have been considered a nice shack, but to this man it was the best thing that had happened to him in a long time. The pure joy on his face while we were building was like no joy I had never seen before. He eagerly helped when he could but would frequently sit back and just watch with that incredible smile on his face. 

A friend and I had the privilege of taking a break from building to play with about 15 neighborhood children. Laura was able to communicate a little bit with them, but for the most part we just gestured everything we could and they excitedly chattered away in spanish. A little girl named Lupita showed me her secret handshake and hugged me harder than I've ever been hugged by a 7 year old when I left. The joy these children had despite the conditions in which they live was inspiring as well. They love with a pure and devoted love that I pray I exhibit to those around me. 

After starting the project at 10:30am we finished around 5pm. After we finished we all gathered inside the house to pray over it. Once we were all inside Jorge (the dad) began speaking and while he spoke he cried. After he finished Carlos (our resident translator!) explained that Jorge had never thought this was possible with his resources and that he was so happy to see how God blessed him and his family and how much he loved each one of us. He asked for our names so he could continue to pray for us... I cried. 

I am so blessed. This I know. But I also know that I need to be a much better steward of what I have so that I can know the pure joy that being grateful for whatever God gives me brings. God has blessed us immensely here in America, let us be His hands and feet to those who need Him the most. 

"Let me live like you, may I sit beside those who cannot walk.
Let me live like you, may I not forget the poor and the needy,
may I stand with those who need you most
and let me live like you."

P.S. On a much lighter note... I ate Lengua (sp?). Do you know what that is?

Thursday, May 01, 2008


In two-ish weeks I will be done with my second year of college.

I started to list the good and bad from the past two years and I was so blessed to see how much the good outweighs the bad. When I first started at Biola I was miserable. I had great roommates, and some really good friends, but emotionally it was awful.

God has completely changed that around and I have really come to love Biola. It's not perfect, but it's a wonderful school and place to be for now. After I made it passed the crying, and not sleeping or eating part and came to terms with the new stuff I was learning about my own personality it all worked out.

I've learned so much about myself and I know I will continue to learn more, and God's grace and steadfast loving kindness will always carry me through the good and the bad. The past 2 years have been hard but God has shown himself faithful in greater ways than I could ever have imagined. I know that He brought me to the place of feeling absolutely alone in order for me to really know His touch and fulfillment in my heart and life.

God is faithful and the only who can truly fulfill the deepest caverns of your soul. It is God that makes us useful to Him, and He who gives us the power to trust him (yay Holy Spirit! woo hoo!). I'm so grateful that He gives me the power to do whatever He asks me to, because without Him it would be impossible. I'll let King David and King Solomon say the rest.

"I love the Lord, for He heard my voice; He heard my cry for mercy. Because He turned His ear to me, I will call on Him as long as I live." - Psalm 116:1-2

"You are my hiding place; You will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance." - Psalm 32:7

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you." - Psalm 32:8

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." - Proverbs 3:5